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[03 Nov 2009|08:28pm] |
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okay so i never feel the need to update anymore, but today is different. the air is just unfamiliar but my environment the same....why do i have to be so goddamn lonely?
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[05 Oct 2009|02:02pm] |
well it's been a long time, long time now
since i've seen you smile...
and i will gamble away my fright
and i will gamble away my time.
and in a year or so...this will
sink into the sea.
well it's been a long time, long time now
since i've seen you smile.
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[27 Sep 2009|09:20pm] |
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i'm an idiot. 'nough said...
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[01 Sep 2009|10:04pm] |
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i'm very VERY sad.love does not exist,why do i always think somehow it can??
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[09 Aug 2009|02:33pm] |
i forget sometimes that i'm from alabama and currently reside here.i guess it's my wonderful friends who make me forget about the close-mindedness.people here will never cease to amaze me of how ignorant they are...how could homosexually be against nature? when there's plenty of species other than humans that are GAY. i'm so sick of people refusing to be forward thinkers.
no wonder cultures other than our own have evolved so much more. who wants to fit into a box anyways? augh augh augh i wish i could hex people for being stupid.
but anyways i'm leaving today! farewell and i'm sorry friends i didn't get to hang!
loveeee
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[15 Jul 2009|11:53am] |
i have no words for my feelings as of now. i KNOW i don't express myself correctly or at the right time. i try to be honest with myself and those i love. it always blows up in my face...i need to get out of this godforsaken town. I'm sick of knowing everyone and all their secrets.
i'm sick of feeling like i'm wasting away.
i wanna be free and i found someone who wants that for me too<3
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[10 Jul 2009|09:38am] |
Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Wheres that at?
If you want me i'll be in the bar
on the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue tv screen light
I drew a map of canada
oh canada
and your face sketched on it twice
oh you are in my blood like holy wine
oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
oh I could drink a case of you darlin
and I would still be on my feet
Oh Id still be on my feet.
man i was watching practical magic and i totally got on a joni mitchell kick. there's that one scene where nicole kidman's character is singing a case of you in her car. it's so great,it reminds me of all my friends :]
now i have blue on replay and i wanna play the guitar or i wish i could. infatuation is a weird concept?
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| i never ever post. |
[20 Jun 2009|09:13am] |
i'm terrified to speak my mind and to be completely open with people. i hate how so many people could easily justify what happened to me. why does society make everything wrong seem "okay"? but everything right is "weird"? i can't change the way anyone thinks,i can't change how the government thinks,and i can't change society.
i hate how every normal law biding citizen could do something heinous and it could easily be justified.
and here i am completely lost. i feel very small and that's not even a feeling! i don't know what feelings are. i'm just numb to everything...and i wish i could cry.
ps- i'm not gonna post anymore unless it's good news.
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[07 May 2009|09:24am] |
busy busy busy. i'm going to the therapist in a bit and it just drains me so much...and the zoloft gives me terrible headaches.i do too much but if i gave myself time to think i'd go crazy.
i hate caring about people and i hate that i could care less about myself.i do all these things to "look" happy and beautiful.really i'm fucking miserable and feel ugly as hell.
augh that's it for my depressing post..
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[27 Apr 2009|10:20am] |
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i need to start over.
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[18 Apr 2009|11:04am] |
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( life. )
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[15 Apr 2009|01:17pm] |
i don't care!! heeeh it's like this most people can take a good look at themselves and realize they might have tendencies to be MORE selfish than others.i use to be like that towards my parents and i had to work on it.people that can't see it at all? are a lost cause... other people have commented on it. how could everyone else be completely wrong and you be right?? you'll never make a conscience effort to change and be a better person. THAT is why we are not friends
robert ,kk,sean, cory ,and jax i can't wait till yall come visit this summer. daphne is just not the same :[
i just try to hide the fact i miss my real friends but it never works. no one gets me like any of these people (except a couple others)and there are really no replacements.i want them back! i wonder if they feel the same?
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[31 Mar 2009|11:12pm] |
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i'm losing my mind.
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[17 Mar 2009|08:58am] |
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happy St. Patrick's day! <3
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[14 Mar 2009|01:48pm] |
i never care to post anymore because it just seems pointless. today this is for me though,because that's why i need this journal in the first place.
i hadn't cried in fucking 6 months? not sure i just know i stopped showing any emotion due to the fact i couldn't.it was strange and until this month i thought i was going insane.now i cry ALL the time,just thinking about her or him. listening to elliott smith and bawling my eyes out...
i cried this morning when i woke up because the one thing i wish to not happen will eventually happen.
i am the tramp,the booty call,slut,hoe,&fucking bitch.however you say it, I'm not the one you put a ring on. amanda said this about herself and it made me realize something. i am not someone's baby. She's the goddamn lady,she's the one he wants to be with,he's in love with HER...i'm just the good friend he loves in a completely platonic way.i don't wanna wait for the day i try to kiss him and he says "no i can't...i have a girlfriend" i can't be devastated that way. why did i show so much of myself and receive nothing in return?
i need someone to save me from myself...but for once i want to be needed.
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[17 Feb 2009|10:45pm] |
hey guess what..someone got arrested for having a this bike is a pipe bomb sticker.times like these call for the words "fuck it"
uck.
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[15 Feb 2009|01:34pm] |
i never update because my life is pretty bland.i'm reconnecting with an old friend and it makes me happy.i don't have many friends in daphne but i'm surviving.i really don't care to make any but i do like to hang out with jesus freaks sometimes(hah!only baker knows)
i hardly ever show my actual emotions.i'd rather be the "thinnest girl" than anything else right now.
i hate my looks so much,i almost tear up everytime i look in the mirrior...
yep.that's my life,heading to the gym soon.rocky horror tonight since it was sold out...best thing that's happened to mobile.we have an independent art theater :]
farewelll!
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[29 Dec 2008|03:49pm] |
i will write something meaningful soon.
for now i love my friends and without them i'd be committed
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[17 Dec 2008|11:33am] |
i'm sad. theres no good reason for why i feel this way,i didn't even like him! but yet it hurts that he doesn't wanna see me anymore.
"i can't continue in this relationship" what the fuck? we weren't together...we were just friends. god that term is so blase...what does it even mean??
i don't ever wanna hear his name again.i thought i was the one using him.
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